It was not just a Walk in the Park (RussLiet)

Silvermoonwings · Post by **Silvermoonwings** » 26-10-2011 03:47

Finfiction link
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Not Just a Walk in the Park

Lithuania sighed as he walked the empty halls of America's house, where he was currently staying. Since he was alone (America had gone out) and not working, his mind was wandering to the past. Back to when he was still living with the other powerhouse of the world. Russia. Lithuania couldn't help but wonder if the larger nation got lonely sometimes. He suddenly shook his head fiercely. No! I'm glad that's over! I mean it wasn't as bad as it could have been but still! It could've been better! He thought frantically. He needed to get out, or he was going to go crazy. Sighing again, he walked to the kitchen and quickly wrote a note saying that he had gone out, and that he would be back at 5pm. He glanced at his watch; it read that the time was 3pm now in New York City. He stuck the note to the fridge, where America would definitely see it.

Lithuania shrugged a coat on, and put on a pair of gloves. It was mid-November, and very chilly out. However, he avoided the scarves. Those brought back the memories he was trying to avoid. He made sure to lock up as he left.

As he wandered down the ridiculously busy streets of New York, he tried not to step on anyone's toes. He had decided to go to Central Park. It was so beautiful with the statues and all the green. Lithuania loved it, especially now that the leaves were changing. Those golds, reds, and oranges were so peaceful. He avoided eye contact with the weird and eccentric street vendors who were trying to sell an assortment if tickets to pointless events, or items that would just take up space, He still stopped in Times Square, though, to look at all the bright signs before continuing. He still couldn't get why people made signs that huge. The sights, noises, and smells caused so much sensory overload that, to his delight, the memories he had unintentionally been thinking of were chased to the back of his mind. By the time he got to his destination, he's forgotten about them, and was as close to content has he'd ever been. Lithuania wandered around for a bit before sitting down near the Balto statue. He gazed upwards, watching the sun sink lower into the sky, smiling as a gentle breeze came through the trees, making the fallen leaves skitter across the sidewalks.

After a few minutes, Lithuania suddenly realized… he was alone. It was quiet, or as quiet as it could get in NYC. He glanced around, confused. Had he done something to scare everyone away? A foreboding shiver ran up his spine involuntarily. He looked around again. The shadows suddenly seemed sinister. There was a presence that he couldn't pinpoint, and it was all too familiar.

"Russia?" Lithuania asked cautiously. He badly hoped that he was just being paranoid. He waited, but after a few minutes there was no reply. Lithuania stood up from where he had been sitting and glanced at his watch. 4pm. He decided to head to someplace a bit more crowded. But before he even took three steps, a black-gloved hand clasped onto his shoulder.

"You called?" the hand's owner breathed into Lithuania's ear. Automatically, Lithuania began to tremble. He turned his head slowly around to look straight into a pair of lavender eyes.

"AHH!" he yelped, skittering away from the speaker, "Mr. Russia! Uh… ah… H-hello." He added quickly, the trembling increasing.

"You called?" Russia repeated, smiling, though the smile didn't reach his eyes and was rather cold.

"Ah… yes… I thought I saw you." Lithuania lied quickly.

"Oh really? Then why were you so surprised?" came the reply, shot back quickly, as if that lie was expected.

"Because I thought I was mistaken." The smaller country replied, truthfully this time. Russia looked skeptical, but decided to accept the answer without any more questioning.

"Why are you here, Mr. Russia?" Lithuania dared to ask, trembling even more.

"I could ask you the same thing." Russia shot back, not answering the question.

"I LIVE HERE RIGHT NOW!" Lithuania exclaimed, exasperated.

Russia looked around. "Out here? Amerika does not treat you right, I think. It's chilly, da? But it is green."

Lithuania facepalmed. "No… I live with America in his house," he explained.

"Ah, come then. I will walk you there," Russia said, grabbing the smaller nation's wrist and dragged him behind, smiling. Lithuania spluttered weak half-protests as he was pulled along, but then quieted. After a while, Russia slowed down enough to have Lithuania walk next to him, but didn't let go of the other's wrist.

"How do you even know where America lives?" Lithuania asked, breaking the heavy silence that had begun to loom over them. He was resigned to the fate of walking with the intimidating country, since it seemed he couldn't break away. Russia just looked at Lithuania and smirked, not offering an answer. Another chill ran up Lithuania's spine and the trembling returned, though when it had stopped, Lithuania didn't know. Suddenly, Russia looked over at Lithuania with… was that a shadow of concern in those violet eyes?

"It's cold, da? And you are shivering!" The taller nation exclaimed. "Here," he added before pulling out a dark green scarf out of his coat pocket and wrapping it around Lithuania's neck gently, much to the smaller country's rising terror.

'Oh god please don't kill me!' he thought to himself.

But all Russia did after he was done was take Lithuania's wrist and begin walking again. They walked in silence, broken by only a few questions from Russia about how America was treating Lithuania. The latter was surprised at the formers curiosity what appeared to be only about his well-being. Every few minutes, Lithuania had to fight back his question/wondering from earlier. Finally they reached the front yard gate of America's place.

"I can not go any farther, even if I wanted to." Russia said quietly, and then turned to leave. He took two steps before Lithuania lunged and grabbed his wrist. They both froze.

"Yes, Lithuania?" Russia asked, looking mildly surprised and amuses at the other's boldness.

"Uh… ah… um… I-i have a question for you." Lithuania stuttered quietly, afraid. 'What did I just do?' he thought to himself, panicking.

"Da? What is it?" Russia replied curiously.

Lithuania took a deep breath, as if it may be his last. "Doyouevergetlonely?" he blurted out, then clapped his hand over his mouth.

Russia smiled, obviously understanding what the smaller nation had just rushed in saying, and replied, "You really don't need an answer to that. Good night, Mr. Lithuania." Then he turned, and walked away.

"Good night, Mr. Russia…" Lithuania whispered in reply, the hurried inside as a heavy breeze picked up.

America popped his head out of the kitchen and asked, "So how was your walk? You went to the park right?"

Distractedly, Lithuania replied, "It wasn't just a walk in the park…" and went upstairs, leaving a very confused America to wonder what he meant.

FIN

yuria-chan · Post by **yuria-chan** » 23-01-2012 17:34

woah~ Silver I knever knew this pairing rocked your boat~
Since I never saw them in your list of rp charas, either of them. And you always seemed a bit more keen on straight couples than the boys love scene.
But it's my OTP! :charmingfrance:

I think you have a cute writing style~ It's different from rp's of course. If one can write freely it always get s a different feel to it.
Your style reminds me of romantic comedies, or romance novels in general. You are not affraid of a slow pace and give characters personallity in little things they do.
Not sure if you're looking for critics as well, I'd give some but I'm not even a native speaker so I wonder if you would want mine. I mean, it would be constructive critism, and if you do something with it ot not is your choice....Just tell me if you'd like it!

gone · Post by **gone** » 23-01-2012 19:28

Wow I really enjoyed reading that~! It was very cute! And this pairing is kinda cute too! Keep up the good work! ^u^

Silvermoonwings · Post by **Silvermoonwings** » 23-01-2012 21:37

yuria-chan wrote:woah~ Silver I knever knew this pairing rocked your boat~
Since I never saw them in your list of rp charas, either of them. And you always seemed a bit more keen on straight couples than the boys love scene.
But it's my OTP! :charmingfrance:

I think you have a cute writing style~ It's different from rp's of course. If one can write freely it always get s a different feel to it.
Your style reminds me of romantic comedies, or romance novels in general. You are not affraid of a slow pace and give characters personallity in little things they do.
Not sure if you're looking for critics as well, I'd give some but I'm not even a native speaker so I wonder if you would want mine. I mean, it would be constructive critism, and if you do something with it ot not is your choice....Just tell me if you'd like it!

It was request from my friend who cosplays China (she's awesome) but I do like this pairing~ I don't care if its straight or boys love or whatever (considering I'm Bi) but since my main RP charcters are Fem! that just sometimes how it comes out apperently.

I'm glad you like my style but a Romantic Comedy?! XDDD OTL I laughed when I heard that because I didnt realize it sounded that way. Awesome.
Feel free for constructive critisim, but if I feel like it isnt constructive, I'll tell ya.

Silvermoonwings · Post by **Silvermoonwings** » 23-01-2012 21:38

QueenofR wrote:Wow I really enjoyed reading that~! It was very cute! And this pairing is kinda cute too! Keep up the good work! ^u^

*huggle* Aw thank you!!! 8DDD :happypoland:

yuria-chan · Post by **yuria-chan** » 23-01-2012 22:26

Ok well as for the style. It's rather straight now. You simply put a narrative to all actions and a few associations.
Your style is currently very visually oriented, it plays like a movie scene. Which is a good thing. However it's not more than that. A visual scene that plays.

For a book aimed to an audience of people around 12/16 years old this is ideal. It is an easy read and tells a good story.
However if you want to reach a more mature audience you might consider more poetic use of language.

You describe Lithuanias immediate actions when unexpectedly Russia turns up but you don't go into his emotions. You describe fear as if you were to see it on ones face as a third party watching.
You don't describe the feeling of fear the quickening of a heartbeat the raising of hairs.
Describing feelings and thoughts can make a story more abstract but it will make it deeper as well.
Also secundairy emotions such as scent and touch can add depth to a story.

...
I hope this was of any help...
and that you find it constructive.

Silvermoonwings · Post by **Silvermoonwings** » 24-01-2012 02:35

That was constructive. but as you put before, this isnt a major pairing I do, so this was mostly likely the only tiem I'll end up doing this pair. Hence why it sounds like its from a third party... lol

I'll use this advice in my other fics.
(Btw I'm sorry Its taking so long to complete your b-day fic. Not sure what I'm doing with that so PM me if you wish to discuss that)

yuria-chan · Post by **yuria-chan** » 24-01-2012 10:57

Oh don't worry about that~
I also still need to complete a ton of bd gifts.

I didn't mean you need to switch to first person btw. I just meant to say that even if you write from third person you can play with a characters feelings...His everything.

Silvermoonwings · Post by **Silvermoonwings** » 25-01-2012 22:17

Okay. I will try to get it done eventually... >.>

I knew what you meant XD