I wish you were here (Arthur's letter) [FrUk]

[BeyondReaper]

Songs used for inspiration here:
Avril Lavigne - I wish you were here
Avril Lavigne - I love you
Avril Lavigne - Smile

Something had been bugging Arthur for a long time now. He needed to get it out of his system. He needed to write it down. So he did… and wrote a letter to someone.

‘I don’t know where to start, so forgive the messy order of things. I am Great Britain and Kingdom of the Northern Islands. Throughout history, I have been fearless, tough and strong. But even I have been little, and this one person from that time, is still bugging me. No matter how hard I fight, you won’t go away, won’t leave me alone. I’m not sure if I’m fighting for that reason anymore… or that I just act automatically.

You’re the only one who has ever seen my most vulnerable sides. You’re the only one who will. I don’t know why, but you never used those moments against me, even though you could. I don’t care, don’t give a shit. It’s not playing with my head. I don’t cherish those moments. I don’t care how you just walked through my barrier to stand in front of me and never leave.

We’ve bickered for so damn long I lost count. Lost the reason why. It just feels natural. I’ve called you names, you insulted me. I hit you, you kicked me. You told me you wished you never met me to begin with. That’s a lie, right? You say crazy things all the time. It hurts… but I don’t think I would have been standing here, so proud, so fearless, if you hadn’t been there that long, long time ago. It still runs through my head, that thing you said.

You’ve always been there, always been around. I was never alone, not once. I told you it was annoying. I screamed to you to leave me alone. Why do I wish you were here now?

I would do anything to go back to those times. When you would cross the distance of grass between us, running, just for me. And we’d fool around, actually laughing. I didn’t think about it, just went with it. I would give you flowers I picked sometimes, do you remember that? Or is It something you don’t want to remember? I won’t forget the times when I was the one running to you. When Scotland got me again, or when I had a nightmare. You would open your arms for me without questioning. You’d hold me for hours, shushing my tears and waiting for me to fall asleep. You kept me safe when I slept those times. You wouldn’t let any creature near me.

Why aren’t you here, Francis? He got me… he got me again; Allastor. You’re not here to comfort me. There’s no one else to call. No one knows about what he does to me, only you. It’s frustrating and I fight you for it. You know too much about me. You’re the only one who brings me comfort because you know just what I need to hear.

And I keep coming back..

I know you’re French, and I told you it’s bugging me. You French are so bloody smug after all. But I don’t care, I wouldn’t lo- like it if you weren’t. Please stay French, you bloody Frog. You know how I am. It’s not hard for you to figure me out, is it? The way we always tell each other just like it is? How much we hate each other, yet we’re always together.

The other nations are right, you know? We always fight, we can’t get along, but we’re always together. They almost never see us separately. Even in battles, we stand together, whether fighting each other, or fighting a shared enemy. Though it’s mostly each other, isn’t it? Truth is, I couldn’t do it without you.

And you better wipe that smirk off your bloody face when reading this!

You probably won’t though. I wouldn’t allow it, I think.

I haven’t seen you in a while. Maybe the last thing I said, was too harsh? I went too far, didn’t I? I’m sorry. I really am. Please, come back. Don’t leave me alone in this darkness. I don’t have the courage anymore to turn on the light. In the darkness I can’t see what’s waiting in the shadows. I’m afraid of what I will see in the light. Come safe me… please. I really miss it. I miss the crazy things you would say to me. I miss how mad I would get at you. We did some crazy things, didn’t we? I used to find you everywhere, in everything. I wish I could now…

I’m smiling through tears. Bittersweet, isn’t it? Would you laugh at me, I wonder? Laugh how I actually miss your arms around me? The way you would keep me safe? I thought you would know when I needed you again. I guess I was wrong. I’m so stupid.

You’re still running through my head, Francis. Don’t get out, please. I would do anything to keep you near me. If that means fighting you until the bitter end, then I will. I just want you to know that I don’t want to let go.

Since you won’t get to read this, I guess I can tell you here, what I really mean.

I love you.

There I said it, and my tears keep coming when I don’t want them to. You hurt me so much with the things you don’t say, the things you don’t do. Do you feel what I feel too?

Do you need me, Francis? The same way I need you? You’re beautiful to me. I’m not sure you actually know that the reason I love you… is surprisingly… you. Just you, being you. The reason I love you is all that we’ve been through.

Do you remember how we misbehave when we’re wasted? It helps me to smile sometimes.

I admire the way you can keep cool when I’m so complicated.

Do you love me, Francis? Do you need me? Can you safe me again, or is that time over? Is it something you did because I was a kid, a helpless innocent kid? After all we’ve been through, you lost interest, didn’t you?
I just want you to know, even if those times are lost forever, I will always be here for you. I miss you.

I hear doors opening, footsteps on the stairs. I think Allastor is back… Francis please help me! For god sake get your French ass over here and do something! Bloody hell…’

The letter didn’t end there. It paused. A few hours later, it continued.

‘It wasn’t Allastor. It was you. You came after all. I underestimated you again, didn’t I? You didn’t even say a thing at first, just walked over to me and wrapped your arms around me. I can’t remember the last time I cried that much. I held onto you for dear life, and you did the same. I was surprised.

You stroked softly through my hair, told me it would be alright. You would keep me safe. It’s just like old times. Me, lying on your chest. You, holding me close and making sure no one will harm me.

I slept. I slept better than ever before. You were there for me. You finally came. Francis, I’m so happy, can you see? Can you read my soul like you used to? Can you look into my eyes and tell me what I feel? Read the love I feel for you…

You love me. You told me you do. I only nodded, it was enough for you. We’ll never be apart again, will me?

Suddenly, you’re all I need. You know I’m crazy, you know I lose control sometimes. You don’t care, do you? You’re crazy yourself.

One look you gave me, and we changed forever. Since that day, you stole my heart. I blame you for my crazy behavior.
But still, I smile. It’s been a while since everything and everyday has felt this right. I don’t care what others will say or think. I would do this all over again. You know why? Because I’m crazy like that, and so are you.

Francis, you’re the reason I smile.

I love you.

Je t’aime.’